Babes in Relationships

(What they don't tell you)


The ultimate burn book by MJ Astrology


Disclaimer* the easily offended need not continue reading LOL



[Use Sun/Moon/Rising/Venus]


Aries truly believes she’s better than you. Will beat you at your best sport & laugh as your ego gets crushed. Please don’t misunderstand — she’s doing you the favor. After all, “sooo many other guys are waiting”





Taurus is the super-femme psycho. Don’t rush, boss or disrespect her. She wants you to spoil her but she’ll keep that to herself until you’ve been bagged. She might be sweet 99% of the time, but when the horns come out she’s not playing house anymore.





Gemini is a total man-eater. She’s genuinely interested & curious but with a high turnover rate. Like Scorpio but without the impending doom, she’s got you figured out — it’s just that she can’t figure out if she’s into you enough to care.





Cancer is s like a tangled puppet. She’s got alllll these strings & they’re still attached to everyone that has ever loved her. Just so she can pull them when she needs revalidation. As if that’s not enough, let’s talk about how 89% of the time she’s a self-absorbed moody whiner with tantrums that make a 2 year old cringe.





Leo is your own personal entertainer. Easily amused if she likes you. *Fake anxiety laugh* Attention famished. The first to nag at you for shit she’s guilty of. Is sloppy when it comes to relationships.







Virgo is the negative nancy you never met & didn’t know you hated. Right when you have a positive thought, you’ll hear her pop off. & yeah, don’t stop working out or alter your regimen - she can tell & it doesn’t bode well.







Libra is wishy-washiest of thots (& trust me, this one’s a t h o t). Super friendly & easy to talk to (only because she’s a total open book). Obsessed with herself & too high up in her own bubble to really know what you’re thinking or care.







Scorpio wants only to possess you emotionally & then eat your soul. It’s rarely less extreme. She’s the furthest from content if your next moves she can remotely guess.







Sagittarius is one of the most obnoxious girlfriends to walk the planet. Nearly impossible to have a conversation with - let alone an argument. But I mean, if you’re into the kinda girl that will leave you in the middle of the night without her phone & not come back for a handful of days, dis is da one. 😽



Capricorn needs to control everything. Everything needs to be rational “..just in case something something…” you stopped listening like an hour ago. You can’t tell if she wants you to dominate her cause low-key she doesn’t respect the weak but that look in her eyes says she enjoys your pain? 😅




Aquarius is awkward to the point of discomfort especially in sexual situations. Swears about humility but is surprisingly egotistical. Subtly obsessed with herself with an undoubtedly self-righteous sense of entitlement.





Pisces looks, acts, & sounds sweet but is crazy. Rarely ever fully content with the relationship she’s in. She’s idealistic to a fault so her dream partner will always be in her thoughts & *that’s not you*. One fish swims toward you — the other away from you.


Read “Jerks in Relationships

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